Mona Lisas & Mad Hatters
by xfucktheglasses
Summary: There's no prescription for your addiction. —SasuSaku.
1. Pack up your things, Sasuke

**Mona Lisas & Mad Hatters**

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**1**

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She stared at the walls, head tilted back and a bare leg crossed over the other.

It was always the same in the visiting room of the clinic – for a doctor, Sakura hated the color white. It was annoying how she just _knew_ they tried to make everything better with abstract paintings hanging off the wall; but it _didn't_ help. White made her think of surgery rooms and dying victims and little girls waiting in the waiting room for Ma' and Dad to come back out. And they never would, she wanted to hiss at the stupid little girl. They would never come out because the white swallowed them whole—

But.

When the swinging doors would open and he would be escorted to their table, she'd smile and stop thinking of surgery rooms and dying victims and naïve little girls and swallowing white rooms.

Her green eyes stared at him; followed each of his movements as he stopped in front of his usual chair and then sat himself down.

The bags under his eyes were more pronounced than the week before and he was still so beautiful, even with the standard patient clothing. He looked scruffy – dark hair messy, dark eyes bleary, pale skin paler; there were stubs of a five-o'clock shadow (if any less, she calculated) defining his jaw. Yes, still so, _so_ beautiful, in her eyes.

"Hello, Sasuke," she said, her smile still on her lips.

He stared at her, blankly, and waited for the nurse to leave them alone. His eyes, had she been anyone else, would have looked disoriented as he looked around the visiting room before resting on her, again. "What do you want."

Sakura's brow furrowed and a pout weighed her lips. "Now, Sasuke, let's not be rude. I just came to say hello!"

"Fuck you, Sakura," he hissed, hands, resting on the surface of the table, curling into fists. "What do you want – what're you so desperate for? You already—"

"If you keep talking like that, I won't give you the good news," she murmured, placing a hand over one of his fists. She stared at him from under her lashes, a smile on her lips. "Let's play nice."

Sasuke pulled his hand from her touch and leaned back in his chair, slouching down and staring at Sakura through messy forelocks. "Then talk."

Sakura grinned and clapped her hands together. Maybe this would get Sasuke to smile, again, like when they were younger. She sure did work hard for it, and the best reward was to see him _smile_ and stop being such a grouch. "Well," she hummed, leaning forwards and staring at Sasuke right in the eyes. "I did something, for you."

"Oh heaven forbid," he drawled, sarcastically, "You've already done _enough_."

Her eyes flashed and her resolve cracked. "Sasuke."

He rolled his eyes but shrugged a shoulder for her to continue. Lest she decided to just _leave_. Sakura was good at leaving him mid-jump.

"Pack up your things, Sasuke," she murmured, leaning closer towards him. "You're going _home_."


	2. You can sleep here

**Mona Lisas & Mad Hatters**

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**2**

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Sakura was sitting on one of the stools on her bar-table, dressed in boyshorts and her bra. Her short hair was messy and obscuring her vision as she dipped her head low and took some notes. There was something like an empty hollowness in her chest with each word she scribbled on, but other than that, she remained stoic and quiet.

It was pouring outside; thunder and lightning and maybe even hale, soon. Oh, the weather in Konoha, she mused, shaking her head and sparing the outside world a glance through the small window in her kitchen. The rest of her house was lost in the darkness of the night; her little lamp having only enough power to illuminate her and her papers.

There was a fierce knock on her door. Sakura's work wasn't interrupted; rather, she continued on scribbling and grimacing at the paper.

But the knock was insistent and powerful and angry.

Sakura sighed and dropped her pen on the table, sliding off the stool and walking towards the door, a smile on her pouty lips. "Who is it?"

"Open the fucking door, Sakura."

Her smile broadened and she unlocked the door, slowly. Just as she had expected, she mused, with satisfaction.

On the other side of the door was a very drenched Sasuke, glaring at her with all he was worth. Which was so, so much, in her eyes. Sakura raised an eyebrow at him and leaned against the edge of the door, fingernails drumming against it. "It's pouring, Sasuke," she murmured, "what _are_ you thinking?"

"Shut _up_," Sasuke hissed through his teeth, "you're such a _bitch,_ Sakura. You knew my apartment was sold and you didn't say _shit_. You sold it. You fucking sold it – why didn't you _tell_ me."

"Ah," Sakura said, raising a finger in the air, "have you taken your medications, Sasuke? You seem a bit feral and threatening. Now, what were the conditions—"

Sasuke snarled. "Fuck you. You _know_ I don't really need those fucking meds—"

"Medications, Sasuke," she said, "Or you can't come in."

Sasuke paused and stared at her long and hard, all his anger ever evident in his expression. Sasuke was always angry at her, now; it made Sakura so sad. But nonetheless did he reach into the pocket of his wool jacket and pulled out a small container with many, many pills. He popped two of them into his mouth and swallowed them dry, staring at her the entire time.

"There," she said, smiling, "now don't you feel better?"

"No."

She rolled her eyes and let him in; he'd catch a cold if he stood there, any longer. Sasuke passed through, running a hand through his drenched hair and hissing to himself words filled with anger.

"You can sleep here," Sakura said, smiling.

"No." He whirled around and glared at her. "No. No. Fucking no. I just need your phone. I'm calling Naruto. Or Kiba. Or Suigetsu. Anyone but _you_."

Sakura closed the door behind her. She leaned against it and locked it, her green eyes glued on Sasuke. "You can sleep _here_."

"You're fucking crazy," Sasuke said, lowly. "You're crazy and I don't want to be near—"

"_You can sleep here, Sasuke_."

He paused and watched her for a second. Just a second. Sasuke only took seconds doing things. And a second later he was stripping off his dripping clothes and running a hand through his hair. He hated her, she knew. But she couldn't let him leave her. Absolutely not. He hated her – but she knew he still loved her, as well. And she was going to get him to listen to that side of him, one way or another.

Sakura smiled and walked towards him, loving the feel of his penetrating gaze on her every move. Wary, she decided, he was wary.

She led him to her room, and she decided he wasn't all that wary, afterwards.


	3. Don't you love me anymore?

**Mona Lisas & Mad Hatters**

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**3**

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Sakura's eyes snapped open and she stared, under the heat and the burrow of blankets and a firm, lean arm, at the hazy wall.

It was still dark – it was probably five in the morning, if not earlier. It was still pouring out; lazy Sunday seemed to be the forecast. She stared at the wall and listened to the even breathing behind her, felt a bare chest press against her bare back. Everything was so eerily quiet, at this time; it was almost comforting, Sakura decided. It felt like she was standing in the morgue, at a hospital.

Eerie and quiet and solitary. And lost – oh, so lost.

She smiled, blankly, and figured she should get up and head to her office. Her patients weren't going to fix themselves now, were they?

Almost regretfully, she unfurled from the blankets and gently moved the dead weight of Sasuke's arm slung over her midsection. She sat at the edge of the bed and stared down at the glowing skin of her very naked body.

Teeth marks; there were bite marks everywhere and she couldn't decide, anymore, if she loved it or not. The sight of them pumped something like lust and adrenaline in her veins and it made her eyes tighten with something inexplicable. She groaned, lowly, and stood up running a shaky hand through her mussed, choppy pink hair.

She turned to stare at Sasuke from over her shoulder. Stared at how calm he looked; Sasuke only seemed to look calm when he was asleep. Because… When he was awake, he always seemed to be burning with hatred and resent.

Always hatred and resent.

Her nose stung – a sign that tears were finding their way to the corner of her eyes.

She ignited that hatred and resent, in him. She did – it was her fault.

It was.

And she would admit that; let it be the single and _only_ thing she would _ever_ admit to herself.

It was her fault Sasuke hated and resented her.

And it was the most amazing feeling she's ever felt.

It was satisfying; it made her _feel_.

She smiled and reached out to him – and paused.

Sasuke was a light sleeper. He'd feel her touch and wake up. And, Sakura mused, if he woke up, he'd see she was getting ready for work. And if he saw that, he'd wait for her to leave and then leave, himself, as well.

And Sakura couldn't have that.

Sasuke'd leave her for good, if he ever left again.

Sakura shook her head and pulled her arm back. No, no. She couldn't have Sasuke leaving her. Perhaps she shouldn't go to work, either. Being a psychologist was a big, big responsibility, yes. But keeping Sasuke by her side was by far more important. Her patients could wait. They could wait another day, another week, another month, another year, another life.

Yes, Sakura decided, slowly lowering herself back down to the bed and curving herself to fit against Sasuke's angles. Anyone could wait.

When she woke up, for the second time that day, she was alone in the bed.

And the thought jolted her system. Made her jump out of bed, mindlessly wrap the bedsheets around her body and run out of the room. Sasuke couldn't be gone; Sasuke needed to stay with her. She couldn't let him escape – if he escaped, he might seek revenge. And, oh, Sasuke was the best when it came to avenging. He would say something.

Say anything.

He would say anything that _was not true_—

_its not true not true at all i'm not crazy he's lying he's the crazy one sasuke don't leave don't speak don't say anything don't do this to me i'm not crazy don't leave its not true _

—and when she found him, he was standing in front of the bar-table, clad in a pair of boxers he probably found in one of the drawers where she still kept his clothes. Her eyes were centered on his bare, lean back and… Her eyes snapped to what he was holding, what he seemed to be so intrigued to look at, to not have heard her bare feet on the wooden floor, or her uneven breathing.

And Sakura's heart almost stopped at the sight of her notebook in his hands.

Her notebook.

The notebook with all her notes.

He—

No.

No.

Not again.

"Sasuke," she said, almost aggravatingly, "What are you doing?"

He turned around to face her, expression blank and dark eyes burning behind his forelocks. "What's this, Sakura?" He had a sarcastic smirk on his lips. "You're taking notes? On yourself?"

Sakura sped up to him and, with one hand, tried to snatch the notebook out of his grip. But Sasuke had always been stronger than her – always. "Sasuke, let _go_! Put that down; you don't know what you're talking about! This is confidential – about my patients! It's about—"

"Yourself."

Sasuke tugged the notebook out of her grip without much trouble, the current page, facing the open, being torn and left hanging in Sakura's limp grip. Sasuke looked down at the notebook, an eyebrow raised, and scanned the pages, flipping them with a finger and skimming. Sakura's stick-like chicken scratch filled each page with theories and diagnosis and guesses and… Sasuke looked up at her.

"You need help," he stated, monotonous. "Why are you so adamant to get it?"

"I don't! I don't need anything," she snatched the book out of his grip and hid it behind her. "I don't need anything but _you_. Just you, Sasuke. I _love_ you." She stepped closer to him, pressed her front – still being covered by the bed sheets – against his. "Don't you love me? You loved me. You've always had… Don't you love me anymore?"

Sasuke looked down at her, his forelocks shadowing his eyes.

Sakura's heartbeat escalated – the wings of a hummingbird – thumpthumpthump.

"I can't love you," he said, thin lips barely moving. "I can't love you after what you did to me."


	4. Don't leave me

**Mona Lisas & Mad Hatters**

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**4**

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Her lower lip trembled, glassy green eyes staring into his blank gray ones with shock and hurt.

"I—I…" She slowly shook her head. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Sasuke's eyes hardened, his jaw pulsing as he clenched it taut with all the anger he was trying to subdue. She wasn't surprised – Sasuke was short-tempered and intolerant; he was probably holding himself back from actually exploding. But then, why would he hold back, if he hated her, right? Maybe it's because he's trying to prove to her that he was never crazy.

But he didn't need to.

Sakura already knew.

She knew he wasn't crazy before, or maybe even now.

She just pretended.

Sakura was amazing at pretending.

She'd been pretending all her life; stupid naïve girls tended to become great pretenders. Sakura was no different; Sakura pretended that she was okay and that Sasuke wasn't and that nothing was wrong. It was all she knew.

It was all she _had_.

"You don't know what I'm talking about, Sakura?" He was speaking through his teeth; an angry hiss of a venomous snake. "You don't know what you did to me?"

Sakura swallowed and looked away, shorter strands of her choppy hair falling over her eyes and obscuring her vision pink. "No. No, I don't. I—"

"You're saying," Sasuke said, shifting his weight from one leg to the other, raising a hand to run it through his messy black hair. "You're saying you don't remember – you don't _know_ – that you locked me up in a fucking clinic? Pretended I wasn't right in the fucking head? Convinced everyone I wasn't?"

His voice was rising and it was taking all Sakura had to not flinch with each rising octave. "You're saying you don't remember the fact that I got pills forced down my throat that might as well fucked my system up—"

"_NO_!" Sakura shook her head, violently, covering her ears with her hands. "No, no, no, no! You don't know what you're _talking_ about! You—"

She was slammed against the wall, her wrists held captive by Sasuke's bruising grip.

His voice was a tantalizing murmur; tight and hypnotic and something like insanity. "Quit it. Just quit it."

Sakura heaved and gasped for air as she continued to shake and tremble; her veins were jolted with adrenalin. It was as if she were drugged.

And she probably was.

No matter what – Sasuke would have the same effect on her. He made her shake to her very core.

She was drugged, and he was the drug she overdosed on. She needed more. It was an addiction.

Sasuke was an addiction.

And he always would be.

"Sasuke…"

They both went still; their uneven breathing pressing their chests together with each rise and fall. It was still storming outside – thunder and lightning and maybe even hail. The living room was dark with the lack of lighting; Sakura's frantic green eyes roamed the entire space and tried to find a way to make him stay.

It was that feeling in her chest that told her he was leaving.

She lost him, didn't she? She lost him and it was all her fault.

Sakura's nostrils flared as tears pricked the back of her eyes.

"Sasuke…"

He looked down at her, his forelocks shadowing his eyes. "I'm leaving."

"Please don't."

"I'm leaving, Sakura," he whispered.

She shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I don't think you get it, Sasuke," she rasped out, sobbing. "You… You're contradictive and an asshole; you mean the opposite of what you say and you're always in a bad mood." She smiled, through her tears, her hands rising up to wrap around his neck. "You fuck with my mind, Sasuke. It's addicting. I need it. Fuck with my mind again. Don't ever stop."

She took a shaky breath in. "Don't leave me."

_i'm sorry don't leave so sorry so sorry please please forgive me don't leave me please i need you please i'm sorry_

"No, Sakura, _you_ don't get it." He pulled away from her, leaving her touch. "You're not okay. I can't… No. Just… No. You need help."

"Stop it."

"You need help, Sakura."

"Stop _saying_ that!"

Sasuke was staring at her. "It's the truth. And it's about fucking time you accept it. You're not okay. You haven't been for years. Get help before you ruin someone else's life… Like you ruined mine."

"Sasuke…"

He reached out a hand, abruptly.

Sakura flinched and closed her eyes…

He was being gentle; he was ghosting the tips of his fingers against her cheek. "I'm leaving."

And Sakura stood there, shaking – her mind spinning. Tears spilling down her cheeks. Her thoughts were chaotic – white rooms, little girls, dead victims, surgery rooms, Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke.

She didn't notice him leave the living room. Didn't notice him reappear, fully clothed. She didn't notice him come to stand before her – didn't notice, didn't hear, didn't see. She didn't hear the door being closed shut behind him. She didn't see her resolve break and crumble to the ground.

Sakura stood there, in the same place he left her, against the wall. Her eyes snapped towards the entrance of her apartment, vision blurred by unshed tears. There was an umbrella missing from her rack.

He was gone.


	5. I miss you a lot

**Mona Lisas & Mad Hatters**

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**5**

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_Sakura sat in her office, mind completely consumed by what she was doing._

_Taking notes._

_She was taking notes on a notebook half-filled with notes about a nameless person. Characteristics and the like – things that seemed to not be right, within this person's actions and emotions and thoughts. _

_She did this a lot. She sat on her desk, scribbling away in her stick-like chicken scratch, half-waiting for her next appointment and half not wanting them to even show up. _

_Sakura was good at helping people._

_She kind of sort of loved it. She didn't really think she could imagine someone going through hardships because it **hurt** her, regardless if she knew the person or not. Sakura hated sadness – she hated obstacles. She hated the idea of suffering through something. It's why she became a psychologist. To help people out of their problems._

_Sakura hated problems._

_She looked up when the door was opened, a smile already breaking onto her lips._

_"Hello, Sasuke," she murmured, affectionately, as he walked in and closed the door behind him. "What brings you here?"_

_He shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets and coming to a stop right before her. _

_Her boyfriend had been acting weird for the past weeks; Sakura wasn't so sure why. It worried her – it made her wonder if things would get bad anytime soon. It made her fear that he was seeing something she was trying to hide. _

_Sakura was good at hiding, after all._

_But then… Sasuke was perceptive…_

_"Listen," he said, leaning his upper half towards her. "I've been thinking…"_

_Sakura's heartbeat escalated._

_"Actually," he went on, "I've been… Look, Sakura. I saw your notebook."_

_And suddenly her heartbeat just stopped._

_"Excuse me?"_

_Sasuke stared at her, long and hard, before nudging his chin to the notebook opened in front of her. "That." He stood straight, again, sighing. "Some nights ago – a week or whatever. We were at your house and the notebook was in the kitchen. I thought it was mine… I read half of the stuff you have in there… Sakura—"_

_"No, Sasuke, no. I… This is confidential!"_

_"You need help." Sasuke's black eyes continued to stare at her, intently. "It's you… You're talking about yourself, aren't you? It fits. I've been thinking about it. And it all fits. It's about you. Yourself." He shook his head. "Let me get you some help, Sakura, for fuck's sake."_

_Sakura stood from her seat, all calm and collected on the outside. Inside, she was panicking. Inside, she was trying to find something to say. An excuse – anything. Sasuke didn't know what he was talking about. He didn't – he was confusing her patient with herself. This was about her patient – not her. Not her; it wasn't her. It wasn't._

_She froze, inwardly. Composed herself – balled her tiny hands into fists to hide their shaking. "O-okay, Sasuke." She licked her lips and gave him a shaky smile. "We'll… We'll do something about this."_

_He was trying to send her into a clinic… Well._

_If he was going to try to lock her up in a clinic, then she'll—_

"Miss Haruno."

She was jolted awake from her nap, disoriented eyes searching for the person at fault for her awakening.

The nurse – small and thin with short dark hair and dark eyes – smiled at her, something like the warmness of sunshine, and said, "You have a visitor."

Sakura blinked her green eyes a couple of times before she stood up from her chair and followed the nurse out of her room, and towards the visiting room. She hated it here, she would admit. She disliked the distinct smell of medicine and pills and _sick_ in the air. She disliked the white that threatened to swallow her. She disliked the clothes she was wearing.

She disliked it here.

But…

The nurse held the door open for her and Sakura passed through, eyes searching for whoever her visitor could be.

But… As much as she disliked it, here, she… She had to stay. She had to put up with it. She had to get better. She…

It was Sasuke.

Sasuke was sitting on one of the tables, waiting for her, watching her.

Sakura's eyes stung, as she walked over, her body shaking with anxiety.

"Hello," she whispered, sparing him a watery smile.

He gave a nod, his jaw pulsing from keeping it clenched. "I heard you committed yourself."

"Well," she sniffed, curling her hands at her lap. "Yes."

It wasn't easy.

It wasn't easy letting it all go; it wasn't easy accepting that she really wasn't okay. It was one thing to know… But a completely different thing, to accept. Sakura knew; she always knew. But she never accepted it. Never did – not until she lost something that meant so much to her. There was no point in fighting it, she figured, after being left alone. She needed to get help.

So she did.

And she hated it so much.

"I'm sorry," she breathed out, voice husky. "I really am. You know that, right? You know I'm sorry? You know, as much as I do, that 'sorry' is insignificant to what happened between us. But… If I can find anything to substitute it with, to say—"

"Sakura."

She took a deep breath in, through her teeth and closed her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"Yeah."

He was staring at her, she knew. He was observing her. And, oh, how she missed him. She snapped her eyes opened and watched him; observed him just as he observed her. The bags under his eyes were still there, like bruises on his pale skin. His hair was messier and he was still so Sasuke. So, so Sasuke. It made her want to smile.

"I… I miss you, you know," she mumbled, reaching out her hands to interlace with his. "I miss you a lot."

His jaw was clenched, again. "I know." And his eyes lowered down to watch her hands over his, for a second, before he pulled them away. "I know."

Sakura pursed her lips to swallow a raspy sob. She hid her hands under the table to hide their trembling. "So… Tell me, what have you been up to?"

Sasuke stared at her with the same blank expression he always wore. He shook his head and shrugged a shoulder. "Nothing. Still trying to get things back together."

"I—I see… Listen—"

"Sakura."

She closed her eyes and stiffened. "Say it again."

It was a slow murmur – entrancing and sinful, as he said, "Sakura."

"Hm?"

"This is goodbye."

And, oh, how she knew that was what this was.

"I—I know."

She opened her eyes and locked them with his, tears slowly spilling. This was it – this was the outcome of everything and she should have expected nothing different. After all, Sakura was good at helping people.

He stared at her for a second longer before standing up.

Sakura watched him leave, again.

"I love you," she whispered, to herself. She wondered if he heard.

She was good at helping people, she knew. And as she sat there, on the visiting room of the same clinic she had committed her once-upon-a-time boyfriend, she would admit, along with everything else, once and for all that… She just wasn't good at helping herself.

Sasuke paused, she saw, right before reaching the door, and turned to look at her one last time.

Sakura smiled.

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_fin_


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